It was one of those rare days when I’m finally free in the morning time to take care of my passions. After a long time I finally met a photographer and mate who mostly works with film cameras. For years now we have taken lots of pictures together and believe me, being a model in front of a film camera is not that easy! It takes much more time to take a good picture than it actually does with a digital one. Besides, you cannot take as many pictures as you want so before you shoot, make sure that shot is amazing!
The reason why I find this activity so interesting is mostly about our love of making art out of a little box. This kind of pictures bring out a different me who I miss a lot and I realize it by the moment I have these pictures scanned and I’m like “Wow, is it me or…?”
It is…It is me but just a little gone with my sins. Sins, not in the religious sense but I can surely admit that a part of me likes to “sin” a lot sometimes. Don’t you ever feel like having a bad behaviour towards yourself, sometimes makes you feel good? You know how bad it is. You know how much is going to hurt you. But you desire it a lot. You simply do. A matter of weakness or not, I have come to the conclusion that everyone needs to make mistakes like everyday. Everyone needs to try, to experience, to find their selves in difficult situations because then, only then you are very sure what your worried mind is craving for. It is similar to “Catharsis” which stands for purification of emotions especially in pity and fear through art.
I’m a molluscophobiac since secondary school period. It’s a fear of snails that I cannot explain…Now see the picture. I forced myself a lot and made it to stay this close to this huge snail and enjoying myself as a creature who knows how to make love with her deepest fears. Harassing but also sensual, trying to adore my enemy for art’s sake! I found hell and it was terrible but this picture is much more than heavenly to me!
I choose to go with my sins because it helps me escape, it helps me find my other self, the fearless animal inside me and the powerful goddess. You will never learn how to love until death if you never loved a sinner at least once!